Sucky Sucky, Part One
Since the dawn of the human race we have stared out at the skies, at the stars in the black expanse of space, and wondered—is there anybody else out there?
We always assumed that if there were they would be smarter than us, more advanced, so advanced, in fact, that they no longer needed opposable thumbs or body hair. They would arrive in shiny space disks that travel faster than the speed of light, their technology millennia more advanced than our own. Maybe they would be friendly and come to save us from some sort of earth destroying catastrophe. Maybe they would come to kill us all and take over our planet. Or, maybe they just stick with kidnapping a few rednecks here and there and sticking probes up their butts for shits and giggles.
But we never ever (ever!) thought we would be the ones to find them. Humans were never really known for our smarts after all, even among ourselves. I mean shit, Tinurtia had been hiding behind Mars the whole time!
Tinurtia—a moon with an atmosphere much like the Earths. It would be cold, but the air was safe to breathe. NASA didn’t waste any time on unmanned flights. They sent us in, boots on the ground, first thing. I volunteered. History in the making baby!
After landing, everyone gathered at the back door and waited for it to be lowered. All elbows and heels, we crowded round as the heavy metal door started to creak and moan. We all wanted to be the first to set eyes on this alien moon that had embarrassed so many great astronomers with its discovery, but none of us were prepared for what we were about to see.
Little green women.
All around me there were gasps. Jaws dropped. Soldiers and scientists alike muttered what the fucks. I couldn’t help it, I smiled. What? She had big tits! Ok, they were green but tits are tits!
I pushed past my captain, that goofy grin still plastered on my face, and started down the ramp. He probably wanted to call out to me, scream at me to wait for orders, but his big square jaw was frozen open so I kept going until I stepped out onto Tinurtia’s soil. There had to be twenty women in front of me, not one over four feet tall. They were green from head to toe and they were bald just like in all the alien stories, but that’s where the similarities ended. Their big black eyes were framed by big black lashes and their shiny heads were no more out of proportion to their bodies than the average little person back home. Instead of hair they had antennas, two or three inches long, on either side of their head, and on the end of each antenna was something round and concave like a suction cup. On closer look they had those same suction cups on the tips of their fingers and the bottoms of their toes. The one in front, the one with the huge green tits spilling out of her torn crop top, opened her mouth to speak and there was even one on the end of her tongue. Blood rushed to the tip of my nub and it was easy as pie to ignore her rotten jags of brown and gold chompers.
The little green women invited us back home with them, to a hamlet in the dusty hills. They cooked us a dinner heavy in greasy meat and tubers they fried over a campfire. We never found out what kind of meat it was or saw any of their men, and nobody ever talked about either. It was hard to care. I mean, here they were serving us this feast, who were we to ask questions? And every time one of them bent over the table with a fresh plate her big bouncy tits were just centimeters from our faces, no more than a stained wife beater between us.
The soldier beside me elbowed me in the ribs. When I looked over at him his eyes were wild, his face contorted in excitement. “Imagine what a blow job from one of those bitches would be like!” He threw his head back and laughed like an animal.
I wanted to know too. Shit, I’m a man ain’t I? And I was going to find out.
But not before the little green women cleared the dishes and returned with jugs of clear liquid that smelled like jet fuel. The front woman from when we landed, she climbed right up on my lap, her bony ass digging into me in a painfully delicious way that left my stiffy lodged in the space between her legs. Not inside of her—yet—just nestled near and ready. My uniform was still in the way of course, but I’m pretty sure she was bare under her mini skirt. She put the jug up to my lips and tilted it back. Whatever it was, it burned my throat and set my belly on fire. I coughed and sputtered.
All around, my fellow soldiers whooped and hollered as the little green women climbed onto their laps. Most of them took the moonshine better than I did, probably because they knew what to expect after watching me. The guy next to me called, “Hey look at this!” I did and saw that he had pulled one of the alien’s tits out of her shirt. Instead of a nipple, she had a suction cup. He poked at it and it fluttered. He stuck his finger in the middle of the cup and it wrapped itself around the tip of his finger. I could hear the sucking, like a baby with a bottle, from where I sat. The soldier bounced in his chair and the alien bounced on his lap. “Can you imagine?” Then he leaned forward over her legs and started to whisper, as if it was our little secret. “Can you imagine if they have the same thing down there?” He sniggered as he said it, pointed to the spot between her legs.
Hells yeah I could imagine. I ignored him and turned back to the babe on my own lap. I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and even though she couldn’t understand me, she looked at me dreamily so I put one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders and stood up. Hoots and hollers followed us into the bushes.
And yes. She did have a suction cup for a vagina.